But as you start to climb up the mountain, you begin to get tired. Your supplies run out or get worn down, and you find yourself taking more breaks than you probably should. You start to wonder if you made a huge mistake, but you keep trekking on.
As the AP test approaches, it starts to get insane. You're attacked by snowstorms, mountain lions, angry spirits, and you absolutely cannot take it any more. All of your energy is gone, you're battling the elements, and you scream and fight and push your way to the top.
The day of the test, you see the glorious peak and you cry tears of joy. And then you see the intense wall of pain you have to climb to reach it. You grit your teeth, push forward with your last bit of energy, and then...
YOU MAKE IT. Oh glorious May day, you have taken the test, and you can finally relax! But wait...
You turn around and see it. The climb back down to the bottom. And there ain't no Slip n Slide for you to ride down on either.
Why do people even climb mountains in the first place? Pointless.
Anyway, when Satan visited the American public school system, he gave all the AP teachers lesson plans for post AP projects.
And the evil reasoning behind AP projects is this (and trust me on this, I have an insider source, a former evil administrator of these terrible, terrible projects): remember those mocks you have to take? That count for a grade? And that you totally bombed?
THEY ARE HARDER THAN THE TEST. That's right, folks. They killed your grade for the sake of the pass rate on the real thing. And to rectify that guilt, post AP projects are given as an attempt to boost your grade, making it seem like you weren't as horrible as you actually are.
And these projects aren't even fun. I mean, movie making? Film analysis minus the analysis? Dressing up in silly clothes and acting out time periods? Building hot dog makers? Ugh, just give me that 1000 page AP Biology textbook again!
Post AP projects are horrible. They pad your grade for no reason, LYING to colleges and universities. They make you do things when you could have been completing your photosynthesis cycle on your living room couch. They actually make your teachers do their jobs! Horrifying! Ridiculous!
Let's be vegetables. We need to photosynthesize after the AP tests. Don't make us do work in school. Please.
(For those of you with the fried AP brains, this post is 95% satire and 5% coffee-fueled rage.)
Written by Loralee Sepsey
Front Page Photo by Lesekreis (Own work) [CC0], via Wikimedia Commons